"She Believed She Could, So She Did"


It's been about two weeks since I've posted a blog. There's just days where writing becomes easy and days where it's the biggest struggle. I know it's not uncommon in the blogging world, but it definitely has an affect on my mood.


I'm somebody who strives for perfection. In my mind if it's not done entirely correctly, it drives me insane. I've always been this way in life, even at work! I'm a hard worker that strives to be the best and when I feel like a failure, it dampens my mood.

Lately I've been struggling with posting quality content. Blogging and being a creative influencer on social media is a hard thing to do when you have a TON of competition. Looking at others posts or pictures makes me start doubting myself and my content that I'm providing. I always want the best, whether it's camera equipment, makeup and clothes. Sadly that can be my worst enemy.

I recently visited Disneyland and was picturing in my head it'd be the best time in the world, and that I would have all of these amazing pictures to upload and vlogmas footage. Sadly with major lack of sleep (I only slept a total of 7 hours in 2 days) and crowded parks made me want to just stay in the hotel room the entire time. I struggled with being confident just in general and started having panic attacks, at Disneyland! This has never happened to me before. I never cared about what I wore or even looked like. Yes I shouldn't in general, but it happens to us all. I was freaking out over my clothes and people starring at me. I felt like out of all the thousands of people in the park, people were giving me looks. I've never experienced such a feeling before, especially at my favorite place in the world. This led me to not taking ANY pictures on my good camera and hardly ANY footage for vlogmas. I was totally bummed once we left and was upset at myself that I allowed myself to not have fun.

We all have days where we feel stressed and uncertain in the world. It just happened to be an entire week for me. I was just wanting to hide and not do a damn thing. This is a major reason for not blogging at all. I've also been getting down on myself about the way my photos look. I see so many great Instagram people post AMAZING photos, and yet I look at mine and just wish they looked the same. Half the reason is their equipment is better and the other half is their editing skills. I've been recently trying to edit on Lightroom instead of using apps on my phone (which downsizes the quality of a photo). I must say I've been loving the way my photos have been turning out. This is perfect timing because I have a photo shoot I must do soon with a dress that was sent to me by a company and want to provide amazing content for them.

"She believed she could, so she did."

Tackling my anxiety and some version of depression has been difficult. Loved ones tell me to fix it and stop worrying. I'm just a worry wart. Always have been. Most of the time fixing it is easier said then done. It's hard trying to talk yourself out of a panic attack and thinking happy thoughts. I must say though it has started to work. I think positive thoughts and tell myself "I'll be fine" when I'm driving, especially at night. I was in a horrible accident in high school and since then it's been hard for me to feel okay on the road. 

I also need to start believing in myself. There's times where I feel so confident in life, but lately I just haven't. I know I can overcome these types of feelings and get through this. This is why I choose to share not only happy times, but also my struggles. Especially now. I may seem like I have a perfect life, but I don't. I over think a lot of things and start worrying about the what ifs. I was never this way until recently and working through it will be a challenge, but I know I can. You can. In the end, were all going to be okay. Having a platform to share these struggles sends out strength to those who may be afraid to admit they are suffering in that same way.

I always promise to be my true self. To never be something I'm not. I want you to know I am a normal human being. 

My goals for the end of the year is to believe in myself. I want to continue to blog twice a week, vlog on my JessWhoWanders Youtube page, and share things on Instagram.

That's another thing with my YouTube channel. I was so positive and wanting to post weekly on my main channel, but was beginning to lack motivation. At this time in my life, I just don't have the time to film the type of videos I want to do for that account. In the meantime, whats easiest for me is my vlog channel (JessWhoWanders). Although my vlogmas game has been off (my life isn't to adventurous at this time) I still enjoy posting those type of videos and can quickly edit them in about 2 hours. Make sure to subscribe here

Until next time.

Best,

Jessica

2 comments

  1. I totally understand how you feel! I just started blogging and it's so hard not to compare myself to all the extremely successful people out there. It's hard to be patient but I try to remind myself that everyone was a beginner at one point and I like to look at other people's success or beautiful pictures as inspiration instead of a reminder of how far behind I am. I hope this helps. I will go check out your YouTube channel!

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  2. Believe me, I totally understand how you feel. I do know how to take photos and I have a thorough understanding of both light room and Photoshop and I still have doubts about being a fashion blogger. I feel like no one notices my pictures and sometimes I feel like the whole fashion blogging thing is an exercise in futility. But I really do appreciate your post and how honest and sincere you are. Hang in there, Fashion blogging is a tough business but if you persevere or you will succeed!

    April | http://thebluehydrangeas.com

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